Managing Anxiety in Teams

In our work with leaders and teams, we often draw on family systems theory, a framework developed by Dr. Murray Bowen in the 1950’s that sheds light on how groups function under pressure. What makes this framework so powerful is the recognition that challenges in leadership are not only about personal mindset or behavior, but also about the interactions, expectations, and tensions that play out between team members.

One of the most useful concepts in this field is differentiation. When anxiety rises in a group, people tend to fall into one of two unhelpful patterns: 

• Enmeshment: over-functioning in someone else’s space, trying to fix their problems

• Detachment: creating unhealthy distance by withdrawing or shutting down

Differentiation offers a healthier path. It means having clarity about where you end and another person begins, staying connected without being consumed by their anxiety, and setting boundaries without withdrawing.

As Steve Cuss writes in Managing Leadership Anxiety, differentiation is “the courage to lead people to a difficult place while still being deeply connected.” Leaders who practice this can enter anxious situations with calm, hold their ground with empathy, and guide their teams without losing themselves in the process.

A related challenge is triangulation. This happens when two people in conflict involve a third person to carry the stress. For example, if Person A has an issue with Person B but shares it with Person C instead, Person C ends up carrying the anxiety that doesn’t belong to them. Triangles are common in families, workplaces, and teams, and they can quickly drain energy and clarity.

The antidote is de-triangulation. Leaders who de-triangle keep responsibility where it belongs. Instead of stepping into the middle, they encourage direct conversation: “That sounds important. Have you shared it with them?” This approach reduces unnecessary stress, builds accountability, and models healthier patterns of communication.

Taken together, differentiation and de-triangulation are powerful practices for leaders. They remind us that while we cannot eliminate anxiety, we can manage it in ways that strengthen trust and resilience. When leaders stay grounded, refuse to over-function, and keep lines of communication direct, teams begin to function with greater health.