Why We Stay Stuck in the Drama Triangle—and How to Get Out
Have you ever found yourself overwhelmed by a task, hoping someone would step in and save the day—only to later resent them for helping? Or maybe you’ve swooped in to “fix” someone’s problem, only to be blamed when it didn’t go well. These are signs that you may be caught in Karpman’s Drama Triangle—a model of human interaction where conflict thrives, accountability fades, and emotional energy drains quickly.
The Drama Triangle outlines three dysfunctional roles:
The Victim feels helpless, powerless, and overwhelmed.
The Rescuer feels responsible for solving others’ problems.
The Persecutor criticizes, blames, or controls.
What makes this triangle so sticky is that each role provides an emotional payoff. The Victim avoids responsibility while receiving sympathy. The Rescuer gains identity and self-worth by being needed. The Persecutor protects themselves from vulnerability by staying on the offensive. The roles are deeply familiar and often shaped by early life experiences or long-standing workplace dynamics.
Let’s look at this in action.
Jordan, a project coordinator, is falling behind on a deadline. In a team meeting, she sighs and says, “There’s just too much on my plate. I can’t keep up.” She’s stepped into the Victim role—overwhelmed, seeking validation, and possibly hoping someone will fix it for her.
Alex, a teammate, immediately responds, “I’ll take on the report. You’ve done enough.” He’s stepping into the Rescuer role—offering unsolicited help and likely overextending himself.
Later, their manager Taylor confronts Jordan, saying, “This is the third delay this month. Maybe this job is too much for you.” Taylor’s now in the Persecutor role—blaming rather than supporting.
As the tension builds, the roles start to shift. Jordan feels attacked and lashes out: “You have no idea how much I’ve been handling!” Now she’s the Persecutor. Alex, feeling unappreciated, becomes the Victim. Taylor, seeing the team unravel, may try to “rescue” by micromanaging. And the triangle spins on.
Why We Stay
It’s easy to stay in these roles because they feel safe and familiar. They offer identity: “I’m the one who always helps,” or “I’m always the one left out.” They help us avoid discomfort. Taking ownership, setting boundaries, or offering respectful feedback can feel risky. But while the Drama Triangle feels safe, it drains energy and erodes trust over time.
How to Get Out
David Emerald’s The Empowerment Triangle offers an alternative:
The Victim becomes a Creator, seeking solutions rather than sympathy.
The Rescuer becomes a Coach, empowering rather than enabling.
The Persecutor becomes a Challenger, offering clarity without blame.
Imagine if, in that meeting, Jordan said, “I’ve hit a bottleneck and I’m trying to rethink my priorities.” Alex responds, “What’s your biggest block? Want to think it through together?” Taylor adds, “Let’s see where we can adjust your workload and keep things moving.” The tone shifts from stress to strategy—from blame to growth.
The Drama Triangle is seductive—but we don’t have to stay there. When we become aware of the roles we play and choose more empowered alternatives, we create space for healthier communication, stronger teams, and better outcomes.