“Something happens when you feel ownership.
You no longer act like a spectator or consumer, because you’re an owner.”
Earlier in the day, I had spoken to a group of leaders about emotional intelligence. My time had been spent helping them understand the set of skills that influence the way we perceive and express ourselves, develop and maintain relationships, cope with challenges, and use emotional information in an effective and meaningful way.
I had shared a story of my friend Kate. Kate’s self-perception or inner dialogue is dominated by the emotion of fear. The fear of failure, the fear of what people think, the fear of being found out, etc. Because of this fear, she hesitates in everything she does which often comes across to others as either aloof or disinterested. The impact of this behavior is that she is slow to build relationships, if at all, but desperately wants better relationships. In addition, when challenges arise, or decisions need to be made, even small ones, she doesn’t cope well because it reinforces her fears. Often times, she is frozen into inaction. Her low usage of emotional intelligence is affecting her well-being and success as a leader.
Sharing the story of Kate, brought up emotions in me. Sadness. It is heartbreaking to watch her consistently struggle. Disappointment. I am a leadership development coach and I can’t help her because she doesn’t want my help. Hope. She is surrounded by other great leaders, maybe one of them will get through to her.
Ever been there? Trying to help someone and it is NOT working?
And then it hit me, OWNERSHIP. Kate didn’t own her fears, her fears owned her. Furthermore, I can’t own Kate’s fears or even actions because they are not mine to own. What I did need to determine was what I can own in the friendship. It boiled down to determining how much time and energy I was willing to give. This exercise helped me understand my own ownership which then helped me set my boundaries.
Where and how do you need to own something in your life?
Susan Rozzi is the president of Rozzi and Associates, a leadership and organizational development company helping good leaders become great! Our programs start with the premise that great leadership skills are a product of time, practice and focused development. Our leadership development, emotional intelligence insight and career management programs can be customized to meet your desired outcomes and needs.